We are the Champions

Lately, I have been sitting around thinking about all the times in my life when I have won something. You know, like being the tenth caller and scoring tickets to see some unknown band (what do you expect, it was public radio). Or, winning, as in drop your business card in a glass bowel and hope that they draw your name to win that free night at the Banyan Tree Villas in Phuket, Thailand (actually it was my husband who won, but rumor has it that I get to go). Or my favorite kind of winning the-- I am going to stay up all night for days to write the best 1,000 words on what life is like for a chicken (got honorable mention and $75 smackers). Then there is the winning with strings attached, what I call "winning in the capitalist age" also known as the the retail win.

The retail win is always a good kind of win if you go in with steel clad balls. It is the time share win, the no purchase necessary win, the 30 day free trial win. As long as you don't buy, you win.

So today, I made good on a retail win. I cashed in on a "Face lifting and contouring facial" from The Organic Pharmacy's Hong Kong Spa called, The Farm. And no, The Farm is not on a farm, but on the fifth floor of one of the many, many high rises in HK, only this fifth floor has a balcony that looks out on to some other buildings and some trees.

So I made my way in the building chanting the retail win mantra: get in, get out , which as I rode the slowest elevator in the world, started to sound a lot like the Missy Elliott song that was playing one drunken night many, many years ago at a bar in Key West where I danced on top of a table and someone slipped me a dollar (I count this as another kind of winning by the way). Later, she asked for a lap dance, but I had to explain that though I was single, I was straight and destined to become a suburban mom.

Back at the Farm, they finally opened the door after realizing that I wasn't the Fed Ex guy but a non-paying customer who was going use up all of their spa goodies (get in) and then, after firmly telling the sales girl that I was not going to fork over USD $ 6,543.82 for a bunch of spa treatments, I would leave them with a fake smile and generous tip (get out).

Perfect. Until I saw the pretty little jar of anti-aging serum that only works with the anti-aging gel which only works with the never grow old cleansing cream that works wonders with the, you-can-take-it-with-you toner. And because it is all organic, you need the special organic cloth to gently apply all of this eternal youth.

Okay, yes, I know that a hot date with Dracula is cheaper (he pays when blood is involved, right?). And if you happen to find a twenty on the floor of the bathroom on said date it is also a form of winning.

And there is that winning grey area. The "it-can't-be-stealing" win because you were already home from your "free" facial and when you notice that the sales girl put a jar of their signature cellulite cream in your bag (retail value:$386.99).

Won anything lately?


Anonymous said...


Did all that really happen? Are you really going on that big trip?

Oh I refuse to play games when I'm playing games. I want to get my loot and get out.

I never win anything big, it's always the small, quaint little things that find their way to my doorstep.

I will admit though that it's fun to get free stuff. It makes me feel like a real American. :^)

Anonymous said...

Sounds lovely all the mantra aside. Because anytime I go in for a facial I have repeated the same mantra a only to walk out with a few of those promising creams myself. But... a few hours alone with out the kids and hubby are worth every cent. Did they have the "you will get the time to apply all the fancy lotions once you get home treatment?" Aah, The true meaning of time in a bottle.

melanie. said...

i love it. i never win anything, but i'm a sucker for going in the store for one thing and coming out with twelve. and once i "won" a makeover from mary kay, but you know that's really just a trick... and i ended up spending like 65 bucks on some stuff when i was like 16. i think i still have it. ha.

i'm glad you and hubby voted.

SWC said...

You all crack me up.

I too won a "free" makeover from Mary Kay when I was seriously under age. I walked away dropping an entire paycheck from my afterschool job. There needs to be a law to keep those Mary Kay people away from minors!