A Love Connection

Dear SWC:

I am writing to apply for the position of Friend as listed on blogger

I have been wiping my own ass for over 35 years and have not
encountered any complaints about my work in that time. Nations have
formed and dissolved, wars have been waged, the environment has been
thrashed, the sea level has risen, the global economy has inhaled and
exhaled, and still my ass wiping has endured with steadfast tenacity
and unwavering dedication. But my missive runs amiss, I am not one
to ever discuss the color, texture or frequency of anyone's poop
(save for one funny story which happened about 38 years ago which I
may only share with you at the right time and place). This is the
extent of what I have to say on the subject, whether or not you find
my other qualifications acceptable.

Though I reside on a very different kind of island, perhaps the one
you'd like to reside on, I seem to have shed my close friends
somewhere along the way. They have either morphed into occasional
pals or slipped off somewhere; perhaps through my neglect or
otherwise. I do not have leprosy, though feel I have been
blacklisted. I have not been to Thailand. I do not wear workout
clothing as haute couture. I have no interest in 5-star hotels
(except occasionally from an architectural or design perspective) and
I do not have a maid, underpaid or otherwise.

I do like books, magazines, newspapers and the internet (a little too
much). Recently I have even embraced podcasts and blogs. I find the
Bible grossly overrated and very poorly edited. I share with you
three articles I have recently enjoyed, not for the quality of the
writing but for, well, call it a bit of titillation:

for the shock of it

for laughs

for the way I was drawn into wanting to believe some "scientific" study of questionable validity but learned about the history of racism in drug policy instead

I welcome the opportunity to meet with you at your convenience. My resume, references and writing samples are available on request. I am available for long lunches, binge drinking, word games, random acts of kindness, snide remarks, and any and every form of revelation, aha's and hhhmm's especially. Please note that without an appointment, I may be caught in my workout clothes, though I promise there will be nothing haute about them.

Many thanks for your consideration.



*photo by Porgunnur Porsdottir


Noah's Mommy said...

can it be true???....

Imogen Lamport said...

My resume is in a bottle of vodka on it's way to you.

I wear workout clothes, very rarely as most of the time I'm too lazy to work out.

Anonymous said...

Tell me that I am not the only one who wants to be your friend... Don't keep me waiting...

Margo said...

SWC, don't fall for the first person who applies. You've got me insanely curious about the life you are leading over there, with the poop, the workout clothes, the maids, Thailand trips. "Friend" certainly covers a huge percentage of humanity these days. Most are way overrated. Hang in there :) PS - tried to read articles, but couldn't find them. bye,Margo